Why So Many People Feel “Broken” When It Comes To Sex (And Why They’re Usually Not)

When people finally talk to me about their sexual wellbeing, there’s often a sentence sitting underneath everything else:

“Something must be wrong with me.”

Sometimes it’s because they don’t want sex as often as they think they “should.” Sometimes it’s pain during intimacy.

Sometimes it’s difficulty orgasming.

Sometimes it's the comparison to what they see online.

And they’ve spent years trying to fit themselves into a very narrow idea of what sex, desire, and intimacy are supposed to look like.

The Psychology Behind Sexual Shame

Most people don’t realise how much of their sexuality has been shaped by learnt beliefs.

In psychology, we refer to these as sexual scripts. They are the unconscious messages we absorb about sex, relationships, desire, gender, pleasure, and intimacy.

These scripts come from:

• family dynamics

• religion or culture

• media and pornography

• past relationships

• sex education

• societal expectations

  
  

And they shape far more than people realise.

They can influence:

• how safe someone feels in their body

• whether they experience shame around desire

• how couples communicate about intimacy

• beliefs about what “normal sex” looks like

• how people interpret rejection, pain, or low desire

And most of us are carrying scripts we’ve never consciously questioned.

Why Talking About Sex Matters in Therapy

Many clients tell me: “I’ve never told anyone this before.”

As sex and sexuality are still treated as something awkward, taboo, or too uncomfortable to discuss openly.

Yet sexual wellbeing is deeply connected to:

• mental health

• relationships

• self-esteem

• identity

• emotional safety

• nervous system regulation

It's rarely “just about sex.”

One of the most powerful parts of therapy is helping people realise:

“This makes sense.” and moving from “There’s something wrong with me.”

This can look like:

• understanding the nervous system

• unpacking shame

• softening rigid beliefs

• rebuilding safety in the body

• creating space for honest conversations

• learning a new relationship with intimacy

TLDR:

You are not broken for struggling in this area of your life.

Most people were simply never given the language, education, or space to understand what was happening underneath it. And that's where therapy can come in.